The Universe wishes it had discovered writing earlier. By the time it became conscious enough to hold a pen (metaphorically speaking-it has no hands), most of its best material was already behind it. Nevertheless, it has attempted to capture in these pages what it learned in its brief moment of self-awareness: that being temporary is not a bug, but a feature. The Universe would like to thank entropy for its patience, quantum mechanics for keeping things interesting, and consciousness for showing up at all, however late to the party. It regrets that it will not be available for book tours, interviews, or a second edition.