My work as a paramedic left me feeling complete with a sense of mental strength. After the completion of yet another shift, I left my ambulance station, watching it slowly disappear in my rear view mirror while on my way home. It was just a matter of time before my inner strengths and confidences would transform back into depression, anxieties and suicidal thoughts, all which I attempted to comfort with my selection of alcohol. My physical injuries, accompanied with complex PTSD, had me recognize that my days in this field should be counting down, but I wasn't sure how or where to begin to depart a career which I had been so passionate about. Where was I to find the courage to leave before the collection of dark thoughts would find their way back inside my head and potentially ruin my life as I knew and loved? A true story of a paramedic within the province of Ontario who found it necessary to confront not only his own demons but some of those who were placed in charge of his care while in his struggle with PTSD. Now updated to include an epilogue on how the author is doing now.